yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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