Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
