I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize