I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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