Where did you get a picture of my penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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