broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
