so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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