I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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