Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
a search helicopter?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
