It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
