That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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