If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
