You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
