once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This baby is an asshole
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
