You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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