I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
