her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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