oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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