you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
