My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize