shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
