The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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