first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
