So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need a beard to bite.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
