Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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