did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize