youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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