soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
