hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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