Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After tacos, we're chasing women.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
