I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
