we have officially lost it.
That's intense
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
