420 ftw
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
