Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
