then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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