This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
