Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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