Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
