Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
