STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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