Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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