I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
