fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
