I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
