i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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