So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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