how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
