Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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