do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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