Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
