Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
