You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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