Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
