Dual....:-)
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
