Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
