maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
