i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
