hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
