She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
