meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
