marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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