Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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