yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
