im six kinds of drunk right now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize