Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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