Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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