This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
