ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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