Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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