Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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