How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
