You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think i have two assholes
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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