OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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