did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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