Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We had to coat check the pizza.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
