I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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