I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
