Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
