I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
